Original
"See I love you, but I hate you and I hate the fact that I still love you." The four texts in this essay all share the idea of unconditional love. The first text is Sonnet 130 written by William Shakespeare. The second is Romeo and Juliet directed by Baz Luhrmann. The third text is Sonnet 116 also written by Shakespeare. The fourth text is the song Still Got Love For You written by Hopsin.
Whilst this merit level introduction is engaging and clear, it could be improved. "But How?" I hear you ask!
Tips (or how to re-draft your essay introduction to better engage your reader)
First Sentence Improved
"See I love you, but I hate you and I hate the fact that I still love you" is Hopsin's poetic explanation of the contradictory nature of unconditional love.
- makes the text flow more by adding explanation of your quote.
- extend the explanation of your theme by showing your deeper understanding in the introduction.
- give the reader facts about where the quote is from and how it is relevant.
- extend the explanation of your theme by showing your deeper understanding in the introduction.
- give the reader facts about where the quote is from and how it is relevant.